


i'm a rebel just for kicks now

by icedmachinery, icemachine



Category: Star Trek Online
Genre: Introspection, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:55:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22998037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icedmachinery/pseuds/icedmachinery, https://archiveofourown.org/users/icemachine/pseuds/icemachine
Summary: The night that they are supposed to celebrate their accomplishments—-overcoming the loss, safety from the Tal Shiar—-the fireworks in the sky penetrate the ground and turn their new home into another graveyard.
Relationships: Tovan Khev/Original Male Character(s)
Kudos: 7





	i'm a rebel just for kicks now

i.

“Are you helping with the celebrations tomorrow?”

D’Viren sips his ale & _ giggles  _ & runs his index finger over his chin scar as he does so, like:  _ even this laughter is a reminder,  _ and Tovan cannot help himself—-he  _ has  _ to giggle back, to join D’Viren in the laughter. The laughter is buried in uncertainty, the laughter is—-but it does not matter, only D’Viren matters, only his existence against the skies of Virinat. Only him. Only D’Viren.

It is a useless question; of course he is helping with the celebrations tomorrow. This is just how D’Viren is; he is selfless, would cut himself out of his own body if it meant progress towards the greater good—-and they have something good here, on Virinat, of course he wants to help, of course he wants to be useful and good and radiant and—-

Tovan is not in love with D’Viren. That must be stated above all else. D’Viren is simply radiant. D’Viren is simply everything—-but it is not love. Certainly not one that would be reciprocated, if it were.

D’Viren is helping with the celebrations of how far Virinat has come as a colony, and Tovan Khev is not in love.

“You know the answer to that, Tovan,” he says. “Why’d you even ask?”

“I don’t know,” he admits.  _ Because Tovan wanted to hear him laugh, wanted to be closer to the light.  _ “I think it’s great, you know. What you’re doing. What we have here on Virinat. It’s really special.”

“Couldn’t do it without you,” D’Viren says. Tovan can feel himself boil, but: “And everyone else, of course. Virinat’s like a family.”

_ Family.  _ “Yeah, sure.”

A moment of silence, D’Viren’s fingers still tapping against the scar—-

“Well,” he says. “I should get to bed. Early morning. I’ll see you tomorrow, Tovan.”

And he leaves. Tovan’s eyes flutter to a close as he tries to savor the picture; D’Viren’s laughter,  _ couldn’t do it without you,  _ everything beautiful in the world that was stolen from him.

  
  
  
  
  


ii.

He thinks that Rinna would be proud, if she could see him now. If she could see Virinat now.

Sometimes he talks to her. Pretends that she’s there. “You know,” he says, alone in his room, “he’d love you, Rinna. He’d think you’re amazing. And you are… you really are.” A tremble, his lips. “Next time you visit, you’re going to have to spend some time with him. You’ll love him as much as I do. I promise.”

_ As much as I do. _

The words feel like the destruction of a planet. His body, is a planet, is a homeworld, and love is a supernova, love is rebirth _ , love is—- _

iii.

—- _ healing. _

The night that they are supposed to celebrate their accomplishments—-overcoming the loss, safety from the Tal Shiar—-the fireworks in the sky penetrate the ground and turn their new home into another graveyard.

Tovan leaves with D’Viren on a shuttle. Watches Virinat—-his family—-dissolve, beneath him. D’Viren is, at his  _ core,  _ an optimist, bleeds out positive—-but as Tovan stares into his eyes—-the eyes of the man that he  _ loves—- _ he knows this look, he knows this disposition. 

D’Viren’s innocence has been shattered.

iv.

On D’Vex’s warbird, D’Viren sits in the Captain’s chair, buries his head in his hands, and does not look up.

“Hey,” Tovan whispers, “we’re gonna get through this.” He doesn’t know what else to say. There is not much else that can be said. It is the truth: as long as they have each other, they can get through anything.

“I know,” responds D’Viren. He still does not look up. Tovan places a hand on his back, tries to be comforting, tries to be something other than rough. “I know we will, Tovan. This is the second home we’ve lost. We’ll fix it, we’ll avenge Virinat, but…”

“But?”

“But we’ll never have a home.”

_ You are my home,  _ thinks Tovan, the love blossoming in his chest.  _ You. You. Always you. _

He says nothing, only watches the rest of the shuttles explode in the sky, his hand still pressed against D’Viren, his mind still pressed against D’Viren.  _ Home. _

**Author's Note:**

> im sad please let him be happy  
> hmu on [tumblr](http://keegbovo.tumblr.com)  
> pls kudos + comment if enjoyed :)


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